Children in Church

Boredom

2009-11-02T01:25:00.007-06:00

I think my kids, and their friend who came as a guest today, were more or less bored out of their minds for most of this Sunday's service. Furthermore, when I inquired about what they found best and worst about church today, the positive things, truly good though they may be, were nothing related specifically to church. They could have experienced those same things had we stayed home or gone to a park.

Granted, boredom has value. It's not the end of the world. And I can grant several other things that the kids couldn't express, which give a positive perspective on the value of their participation in church this morning and week after week.

But that would be a poor excuse for not trying to figure out what I should do about how understandably bored my kids (who I make coming the norm for) and many adults (who make their own choice not to come) are by Sunday morning services.

Lets be honest about what goes on in church, what it takes to engage, and who that does or doesn't serve.

I don't want to take anything meaningful away from anyone. And I'm not talking about dumbing down. But, how can we shape a church service and faith community that is more accessible and engaging to a wider range of people (and including ourselves)?

This is not just a curious or academic question for me, or one of assenting to church beliefs about evangelism or the like. More personally, I long to have regular ways to share explicit spiritual expression and faith community with friends for whom church is not regular part of their life and for whom services as we conduct them would be unlikely to fit the bill. But significantly more important to me than that is my concern for my kids. As good as church as they experience it may be for them, and in spite of what I or others have done with kids in mind at my particular church, I am not satisfied with what I'm giving them, nor do I think I should be. And they're getting older every day, every Sunday, every season. I can not let this issue die. Actually, I don't think it would even if I wanted it to. So I must find ways to act.

Proximity - Come on Down

2009-10-05T22:48:00.001-05:00

Last Sunday (again) my not so young youngest asked to be picked up during church. Then he fidgeted between positions involving limbs, me and pews.

How much does being at a distance from the altar effects one's ability to engage? What about all the shoulders & heads blocking a child's view?

I remember taking one of my kids to the zoo when very little. While I I tried to point out animals she was fixated on things much closer like plants or rocks.

Where would you like to sit for a concert or baseball game, a meeting at work, dinner out, a bus ride?

St Gregory's of Nyssa notes they have a "children's space, next to the presider's chair, so they can have a better view of the action of the liturgy."

How does proximity effect you in church? Children you've observed? What approaches has your church taken?

What if we all could moved in closer?

Ribbon Sticks

2008-11-26T02:39:00.003-06:00

This blog gets lots of hits from people doing internet searches about ribbon sticks.

What are you all doing (or trying to do) with ribbon sticks?

Ribbon sticks are a topic on this site because at the church where I work with kids, we've been making a set of ribbon sticks for each color of the liturgical year. At the beginning of each liturgical season, and sometimes on other occasions, kids are invited to carry the ribbon sticks during the procession at the beginning of the service. If there are enough ribbon sticks to go around the choir and clergy carry them too. And yes, even though I'm not a child, clergy or choir member, I usually join the procession with a ribbon stick too. Somebody has to model for the kids and give them directions, right? (Working with kids is such a handy "excuse" for doing fun stuff.)

We make the sticks like this:

Cut wooden dowels into desired lengths.
Sand dowels as needed.
Cut strips of ribbon. Various widths and styles are good.
Tape a set of ribbons to the end of each stick
Secure the ribbons with a staple gun.

Things to consider:

Height of the people who will carry the ribbon sticks: Sticks and ribbons for small children have needed to be shorter than I imagined. Ribbons can easily end up on the floor & under foot.

Where do the sticks go after their main use? Deposit them in decorative containers of sand? Keep them for waving in other parts of the service? Gather them up before they become weapons?

Making the ribbon sticks can be a fun intergenerational project.

Omniscience

2008-09-24T01:40:00.003-05:00

I've come to find out that at least one of my children does not believe that God knows everything.

I'm not sure I've ever given any explicit input on the topic, which kind of makes it all the more interesting. I'm not sure what to make of it.

You never know what kids are absorbing or not. Apparently this kid has not absorbed the prayer that's a regular part of our Sunday services and that happens to be one of my favorites:

Almighty God, to you all hearts are open, all desires known, and from you no secrets are hid...

(btw: I imagine that prayer could be heard as threatening and intimidating, but I don't hear it that way. I find it a great comfort.)

This all came up when we were talking about a story in a book in which people hid something from God. I wondered out loud about why the people did this. I said, in a tone that left an opening for agreement or disagreement, that I thought God knew everything. My child said that no, he didn't. You can hide things from God by putting them someplace he doesn't know about. Like our garage.

I wonder how you know what places God knows about or not. I might have to ask about that tomorrow.

And yes, my child did identify God as he. In spite of my use of gender neutral terms for God, it seems both of my children have readily absorbed this important aspect of our religious and cultural patriarchy. But then if God doesn't know about things in our garage, maybe there are a lot of things he doesn't know about. Maybe he doesn't know what it means to be female. We'll have to see what we can do about that.

Play on Speaking of Faith

2008-09-17T16:32:00.000-05:00

Given my previous post, when I found the opportunity this afternoon to catch up on one of the many Speaking of Faith podcasts that I haven't gotten to, I thought this one would be a good choice.

Play, Spirit + Character

I recommend it.

You can listen to the program, read the transcript or explore a number of related items through the link above.

Playing

2008-09-17T12:46:00.005-05:00

We're back into the program year so this is a good time to get back to regular posting here.

Ironic that its the program year that provides the impetus, because the first thing I have to say is about play.

The importance of play is old news of course, but I'm in the process of learning its importance personally. It's been a reoccurring theme, highlighted this summer by my neighbor's wise insistence as I prepared for vacation that I use the time to PLAY with my kids. It all fits together wonderfully with the numerous bits of insight that keep reinforcing my conviction that the gospel about becoming like little children in order to enter the realm of God's reign is deeply significant.

Sunday I saw the relevance of play again. The kids were quiet and reserved. Clearly some of what I'd planned would not work because the kids weren't comfortable enough to participate in the ways I had imagined. So I went with plan B and read a Bible story in the form of a pop up book. They slid right up close to the book and were eager to open flaps and pull tabs. Then we played with play dough. We used it as a bridge to the story and other topics of the day. But the more important aspect was that it opened up our interactions and relationships. We were talking, playing and imagining together.

So...(I say to myself as much as you)...yes, you have to be the adult, do the planning, keep the big picture and all...but make sure you let go and play...let the children teach you...don't let yourself or the children miss that opportunity.

PLAY!

Here Comes Fun

2008-06-22T02:13:00.003-05:00

Under Construction: A Habitat for Humanity Vacation Bible School.
July 14-18
9-Noon
with St Mark's
for age 4 - completed 4th Grade

Contact me for more information

The adult planners are probably getting as excited about what we're doing as the kids will be doing it.

Among the fun & cool things we hope to pull off: building this playhouse.

Don't you wish you were a kid?

Creation Stories

2008-06-05T19:33:00.003-05:00

Work with kids gave me a great "excuse" recently to do something I'm always interested in.

I checked out a collection of children's creation story books.

Some are a pretty close rendering of the biblical story.
Some of them are creative re-tellings, obviously based on the biblical story.
Some are creation stories from other cultures.

Its been fun to read them to my kids, asking questions like
Who is God in this story?
What in this story is the same or different from the creation story (really stories of course) in the Bible?

You don't have to lead Children's Church to enjoy this kid of project.
You could easily take it on at home (whether your have kids or not).
Enjoy.

Old Hundredth

2008-05-22T05:17:00.003-05:00

Sunday I recognized this hymn tune (one of the few I recognize by name) and mentioned it to one of my kids. I probably heard, sang or played this tune almost every Sunday throughout my childhood. We sang it as The Doxology: Praise God from whom all blessings flow...

Who would have thought the brief mention of the tune's name would stick in my child's mind. You never know what will!

A few days later the child brought up the name of the tune and informed me that they had made up words about it....along the lines of "There is a song called Old Hundredth, its a hundred years old...."

So we looked up some info (how did we learn things before Wikipedia?), learned that its about 460 years old, and I made up some of my own words about the origins of the tune, that can be sung to it. I had fun. Maybe it will turn into a fun learning tool. We'll see.

Maybe a reader out there will make up some more words to familiar tunes that we could use to learn the music of our tradition and the history and meanings that come with it. Serious or funny or whatever you like. You don't have to be a music scholar. Do you ever make up different words for Row, Row, Row your boat? Then you can do it.

Aside from the question of alternate lyrics, what are your favorite hymns? What hymns would you like your kids to learn?

Thank You

2008-05-14T02:48:00.002-05:00

Thank you to all the people who attended the NAECED conference and gave Gethsemane children's books !

I've browsed through them and see lots of good things. It will be great to have these books all readily available for both formal and informal uses at Gethsemane.

They're all available in a basked in the children's area. I've set some out on the children's table and will continue to do so. I'm confident some will end up being read out loud during church services or in children's church. I try to borrow books like this from the public library or the Church Resource Center. But these can stay at Gethsemane and be available to us ongoingly. What wonderful support this is. Thank you again.

I hope to write a brief review of each of them, one at a time, here on this blog. So check back.

And whether you gave a book, are a parent interested in material for your kids, a children's minister wanting info, or perhaps a best of all, an adult who knows how great children's books are for everybody, check out the books and then share the wonder with a kid!

Bumpy Sunday

2008-04-22T01:28:00.005-05:00

My time at church on Sunday was frustrating. Nothing horrible happened. It was just a string of things that were a bit off.

I got to church late...
...the exits and entrances for Children's Church were disjointed...
...kids were scattered when they shouldn't have been...
...I was poorly prepared which in Murphy's law style correlated to having a large group if kids this week vs the small group I had the week before when I was much better prepared (though of course large numbers of kids and good preparation are always both good things)...
...I couldn't remember names that I should know by now...
...there was a misunderstanding to sort out...
...my own kids got involved in helping me tell the story in a way that I didn't (and don't) know how I should best handle...
...we lost a sharp pin...
...I forgot the matches to light the candle...
...the story telling materials ended up in a jumble...
...just as someone wanted to lock the main door I was dashing in and out trying to help find a child who had apparently made an unreported "detour"...
...I was loosing my patience with my own kids who couldn't seem to respond appropriately to my directions to help clean up the kids' area...
... and by the time I got that all taken care of we were the last ones out of the church ...
...and I had about an hour to pick up lunch (my first meal of the day), get home, eat it and get to work.

"How are you?" a co-worker asked.
Response: "I'm not firing on all cylinders." I felt very tired.

Hopefully I'll suceed in getting tuned up this week.

The Sheep, the Wolf & the Shepherds

2008-04-15T00:51:00.004-05:00

I had another good experience telling a Godly Play style story (really from Young Children and Worship) Sunday.

One child really seems to have grasped who Jesus is in these stories. When the Jesus character is introduced in other terms, like the Good Shepherd, this child is quick to interject, "Jesus!"

One kid had an interesting question: When the Good Shepherd stood between the wolf and the sheep that were scattered, were those sheep his own sheep or the Ordinary Shepherd's sheep?

The issue that resonated strongest with me was that one or two kids wanted to put the wolf (who of course represented danger or worse) in the sheepfold with the sheep. One of them who told their own story with the materials worked it out so that the wolf was friendly and wouldn't hurt the sheep.

Probably this is due to the naivete of the fortunate young who have, thankfully, not yet had to come to terms with much danger, darkness, or evil. But I wonder about the idea that it is a mindset not yet acculturated to so readily dichotomize the world into the good and the bad, us and them; a mindset not so quick to assume and label.

I find it interesting that the natural inclination of these children seems to be to care for the well being of the wolf, while the theological perspective of the story is seemingly otherwise, at least at an adult's first glance.

Of course I don't want to put any children at any sort risk by not applying the wisdom and perspective of an adult to protect them from all kinds of danger. But neither do I like the idea that our Christian agenda might often be to squelch or redirect this caring response of the children.

Likewise I found myself uncomfortable with the Good Shepherd vs Ordinary Shepherd Distinction. In common usage of the term, most of us are more or less ordinary, in ways we don't always identify as bad. Is there something wrong with the ordinary? Is ordinary not good? Is ordinary bad? Is this a statement of human nature as being inherently basically bad, sinful or inadequate? It's not that I approve of the job the Ordinary Shepherd did in letting the sheep scatter or in running away when the wolf came. But is ordinary the best term for these actions of the "Ordinary Shepherd"? Is this what an ordinary shepherd would do? What other terms might be used than ordinary?

At least I think we need to wonder if the children might be onto something that we adults would do well to learn from. I wonder if their responses have anything to do with what the gospel means when it talks about the need to become as little children to enter the kingdom of God.

Who Ate the Bread?

2008-04-02T11:42:00.004-05:00

What bread?

The answers are in "In God's Hand's," a book by Lawrence Kushner and Gary Schmidt, Illustration by Matthew J Baek, published by Jewish Lights Publishing that I found at the Hennepin County/Minneapolis Public Library. Here's the catalog entry.

It tells the story of two people who think they are subjects of miraculous interactions with God and then discover the agents of action are each other. At first they are disappointed, thinking that God has not been involved after all. Then then come to understand that their hands are God's hands.

The story is much more delightful and compelling than my summary. However, even if I were sure how to give a better explanation, I'd want to leave the joy of discovering the story to you. And as always, good children's books aren't just for kids...

Of Course You Missed the Sermon

2008-03-25T11:18:00.002-05:00

Rev. Snyder told me once that during the time his children were small, his wife didn't hear his sermons for years.

I'm pretty sure she was at church.
I'm pretty sure any parents reading this don't need me to explain why she missed the sermons.

I hope you know that if you miss Aron's sermons, much of the time you have the good fortune of being able to read them on his blog.

His Easter sermon is there and is well worth the read.

Godly Play Materials

2008-03-14T17:07:00.007-05:00

In response to my comment in a previous post about how well kids are responding to the Godly Play style stories, in spite of materials made with paper & scissors, a reader asked further about the materials. Here are a couple pictures and some info.

This picture includes Jesus (purple figure in center) talking to Zaccheaus in the tree. They are by Jericho (left of the tree) on the way to Jerusalem (on the right end of the purple underlay).

Most of the stories use a felt underlay. I've been making these easily enough.

The figures used in the stories are supposed to be wood. The Young Children and Worship book has patterns for them. Not having the skills to make them of wood, I've compromised by making them of tag board & construction paper, or depending on the item, plain old corrugated cardboard from used boxes. Stories often call for other items as well...special boxes, baskets, candles or other more story specific things.

Last week I used artificial leaves from a stem purchased at a craft store and squares of cloth cut from my stash of scrap material at home. (I knew there would be a use for it sometime, right?)

This week I've managed to use craft store items (wood, paint & modeling clay) to make a table, plate, cup and loaf of bread that I'm pretty happy with.

However I'd say my cardboard "backdrop of the upper room" leaves something to be desired. But, at least on a basic level it will serve the purpose. It doesn't have the beauty & quality probably called for...but it will have to do. (Can somebody who understands this stuff better explain why I can't get an empty line between paragraph above and the one below?!?)

The stories in Young Children & Worship are not all the same as the ones in Godly Play. I have not found the materials for Young Children & Worship available to purchase (even though Godly Play Resources sells the Young Children & Worship Book.) Godly Play does have materials available for purchase. Some of them I think are better obtained in more cost effective ways. Others my sensibilities about expenditures have kept me from ordering for other reasons, though eventually I anticipate I will order some of those that would be the most challenging to make or otherwise obtain.

Purchased: Children's Bible

2008-03-12T16:06:00.004-05:00

After borrowing the Read and Learn Bible from the Resource Center for Churches, I decided to buy a copy.

My children each wanted their own. My oldest tried to claim sole ownership of the one I bought. But I'm maintaining that it belongs to all of us. I want to use it too (not only for my work at church but personally!)

A few of you may know that my idea of in depth Bible study is pretty hard core. Don't mistake that to think that I don't think it's great to being able to sit down and read a huge chunk of the Bible (basic versions of major stories that is) in one sitting. I'm also happy to find this resource of child friendly versions of stories. It will make my work as a parent and at church easier.

My oldest child has a ton of paper scraps in it marking stories to read. I think that's great.

What do I like about this Bible?

My kids' excitement about it.
The pictures aren't dry and musty looking. Neither do they exceed my cutesy tolerance threshold.
The text is visually appealing. It's is a modest amount in large print. Enough to tell the story. Not so much as to make one hesitant to delve in.
The stories are told in ways that I think are basic & accessible without excessive embellishment or interpretive commentary.

My main complaint to this point: I would prefer more gender neutral language.

The technicalities:

The text is a paraphrase using the Contemporary English Version and the King James Version.
It says it's oriented to kids 5-8 (or 4-7 depending where you read.)
Published by Scholastic with the cooperation of the American Bible Society in 2005.

This Stuff Works!

2008-03-03T10:49:00.003-06:00

Again this Sunday I was impressed with the results of using a story from Young Children and Worship or Godly Play. My experience and training in these curricula are limited, my materials are mostly home made out of cardboard and paper...and still I see such interest and response from children!

I was able to give a couple kids a lot of time to work with the story materials themselves after I told the story about Zacheaus. They are eager to do this. One child used the materials to work through the story again without using the words. The other child largely made up new scenarios with the materials. The most poignant of these in my mind was when the child had someone say to Zacheaus: "Do you know why people don't like you? Go that way," pointing toward Jesus, "There is a man who will love you."

Math as a Spiritual Matter

2008-02-21T00:06:00.002-06:00

If we think of one aspect of spirituality as having to do with making a connection to that which is beyond ourselves, many things have a spiritual dimension.

One of my children began asking about which numbers are real....a gazillion? a billion?....

This led to the child saying that numbers are interesting.....not regular numbers like 1 or 9 or 100, but numbers like 101. It was as if at that point the limits of the imagination were stretched to the point of fascination with that which is known to be there, but which can not quite be known.

It gives me another hint/question about what it might mean to enter the realm of God like a little child.

I got to talking at work about my child's questions. It's led to wonderful conversations. Not religious conversations per se, but conversations that, at least for me (and I can only speak for me) have spiritual impact and theological implications. This is especially gratifying in light of my post related to all the time I spend at work vs with people from church, and the idea it led to that I ought avail myself to connecting more with people at work.

Quite a lot has come from a conversation with a child. Not that I should be surprised, right?

New Connection - Born Again

2008-02-14T11:19:00.009-06:00

Reflecting on a child's response, I became concerned that they might have misunderstood the part of last week's story that says that one who does not receieve the kingdom of God like a little child will not enter it. Did I or the text ever say "as a child" rather than "like a child"? Did they hear "as a child" and think it meant "when a child" rather then "like a child"?

Such a scary responsiblity this buisness of teaching children sometimes seems.

The brighter note here is the connection the line of thought brougth me.

It's not that one has to receive the kingdom of God WHEN a child in order to enter it.
One can recieve the kindgom of God LIKE a child at any time or age.
We can be like a child at any age....we can be BORN AGAIN.
I hadn't thought of it that way before.

So far I haven't gone back to the biblical texts to check out how well that interpretive connection holds up. But in my mind the connection seems meaningful, helpful, worth further exploration.

Parenting on SOF

2008-02-08T15:09:00.000-06:00

Listening to the podcast of the Speaking of Faith broadcast "Remembering Forward" in which Krista Tippett reads from her recent book, also titled Speaking of Faith, I enjoyed hearing her say,

"I know of no richer source of theological enlightenment than parenting."

She said a lot more interesting things, on this topic and others, but I'll leave it to you to pursue the links above if you wish.

Another Speaking of Faith program "Spirituality of Parenting" is one that has a discussion guide available. Anyone interested in using it sometime?

When Will the Story Come Back?

2008-02-04T11:46:00.000-06:00

Yesterday a child asked, "When will the story come back?"

They meant the stories that Aron has read from children's books during Sunday morning services.

We started doing that with the intention of doing it as often as possible. That hasn't turned out to be very often lately. It's hard to find the time to identify a workable book relevant to the text or theme for each week.

Here's an encouragement to up it on the priority list.

Loaves, Fishes, Breakfast Bars & Jesus Bread

2008-01-30T04:35:00.000-06:00

Sunday a child had a cereal bar at church. (Okay, let's be honest....it was one of MY children....and no, I didn't manage to sit them down to eat before church....but I usually do and church was an hour early and...well, you don't need to hear all about it...)

The child with the cereal bar, with adult encouragement, offered some to another child.

As the child with cereal bar broke a piece off and gave it to another child the image reminded me of a celebrant breaking a piece of bread and offering it to a person receiving communion.

But that's not even the most cool part.

When I asked if they knew what it reminded me of when they broke off a piece of the bar and gave it to the other child, an 8 year old piped in and said:

Jesus. Jesus giving people what they need.

The Big Change Next Week

2008-01-14T02:27:00.000-06:00

Beginning Jan. 20th, children of all ages, and parents who wish to accompany them, are invited to the gathering room during the 10AM service after the Collect of the Day. We will take kid friendly approaches to explore readings of the day or other relevant themes as well as prepare for participation in other parts of the service. We will rejoin the full congregation just before the prayers. Following the service art and craft materials will be available in the front of the church. Everyone is welcome to use them.

When Can We Hear the Story?

2008-01-14T02:22:00.000-06:00

I was pleased that when my kids missed a session of the progressive Godly Play Advent/Christmas/Epiphany story, they asked when I would tell it to them! They even brought it up more than once!

I was also pleased to hear that another family liked the stories enough that they became a topic of conversation at their house Sunday evenings.

Something good was going on there.

A Great Book for Next Year

2008-01-01T12:11:00.000-06:00

"Why Christmas Trees Aren't Perfect"

by Richard H Sheneider

Illus by Elizabeth J Miles

Abingdon Press, Nashfield

An evergreen hoping to be chosen as the queen's Christmas tree gives shelter and food to animals in the forest, giving up its aspirations of perfection in the process. Unexpectedly the tree is honored as the queen's choice.

The story itself is much more compelling than my simple summary. It's interesting and rich with multiple points of meaning and metaphor.

It manages this without being either strained with complexity or overly simplistic, at least until the last line when the meaning of the story is stated. As good stories & metaphors often are, the meaning is too rich and the possibilities for application too many to be well served by a single statement.

I became aware of this book too late to use this season, but it's on my list for next year. I also want to check on the video version The Resource Center for Churches has.

Finally, thank you Patty for keeping children's ministry in mind, for lending me your book and for making me aware of such a delightful story.